The first week in Michigan was really really hard for me. Leaving behind people i loved, Kyle, Becca, Mikey, Ruthie, and so many other loved ones. And the hardest part was being away from Brian for 9.5 hours a day. i was devastated.
Yes, people, we are aware that i am borderline unhealthy codependent on Him. We have discussed it and we agreed to it, accept it, like it and crave it. We would not change it for anything. This is who we are and how our dynamic is. We ask that you do not judge as we do not judge your views on life.
i hated (and still do) being away from Him. i was spoiled being able to work with Him and see Him all day. Now i feel like we are …. what is the best word to describe it … “normal”, “vanilla”. Anyone who really knows us, knows that our relationship is not “normal.” This was probably the hardest week of my life thus far.
i felt like i lost Him. That He was not this important figure in my life anymore. He was of course but i felt like “we” were slipping that i was slipping. That we were turning into a normal vanilla couple. i did not want to be vanilla. i liked … no loved what we were. Him my Captain and me His babydoll. “He cannot dominate me when He is not there.” This is what my brain was telling me. “He cannot give you that look that means business when He is not there.”
i was missing His laughs. i was missing the interactions He would have with people. The interactions that showed how powerful He is. That demand respect and awe from the people around Him. i was missing pieces of His life. i felt like i was being left out, left behind and i was losing Him.
We have talked about all of this and worked out some of it but it is still hard. i have goot days and bad. We are still trying to figure out the right balance of everything. The best thing we can do for now is communicate. Which according to Lynn, we are the best at it.