We found out that of the 7 that made it to blast, 6 were boys and 1 was a girl. 1… Only one. We have one shot to have the baby girl i always dreamed of.
Not that i dont love my boys, i do. But, i have always felt that boys are how their father lives on and girls are their mother.
Plus, when a boy gets engaged, he is not going to gush to me about wedding plans. When he get pregnant for the first time, he wont call me with all the details. Those kinds of moments are for daughters and their mothers. i am selfish and want those moments.
Plus Brian wants a girl first too. In fact he wants to recreate His childhood – Girl, Boy, Girl. i was very ok with that.
We prepared by body by tricking it into thinking that it was pregnant by more daily injections.
On March 2, we transferred the only girl we had back into me. We had to wait 9 days to know if i am pregnant. Since the embryo is technically 5 days old when they put it back, implantation happens around day 10 when done naturally. That is when the pregnant hormone (HcG) starts and rises. After about 4 days from implantation, blood tests can detect the hormone if the doctor knows that they are looking for it.
So on day 9, we found out we were not pregnant. We were both devastated. i tried to continue to work but i kept crying and could not see the screen. Brian told me to call in. i did. We were on the road to drive to Adena’s 3 hours later. Brian thought that having some girl time with my bestie would help. And it did tremendously.
Seeing her was great, but it was a double edged sword too. Watching her interact with her daughter knowing that i would never have that hurt so much. i tried to push through it though.
It hurt. i felt like i was morning the loss of an actual child but i was morning for a lost dream. This is going to take time to get over. Especially since it was so close to becoming a reality.