When Brian was no longer the Support Manager, it drove me to see if i was ready to move up the cPanel ladder. i became complacent. In this i mean that i was comfortable being a support analyst. So in January, i applied to be a ScrumMaster. i watched a view videos, read a few training materials that were handed out through out the company and started practicing Scrum at home in my day-to-day life. January 25, 2104 was my first day as a ScrumMaster. My team…Brian’s team. He was my PO.
i was super excited! i was going to work directly with Brian! This way i could keep a better eye on Him and maybe convince Him that life was not so terrible. We were just friends at that time…really goot friends…like the best of friends. i felt like i could tell Him my deepest darkest secrets and He would not judge me, if anything He would be on my side about it. We would have the same opinion.
i was with someone else at the time. Things were not going too goot. They were not terrible but there was definitely problems. Over Christmas this man asked me to marry him. i said yes. For 2 reasons. 1.) i thought that it was what i wanted and i was in love with the idea of having a real wedding, the party part. 2.) He asked me in front of everyone Christmas morning. My ex told me i could have said “No” but no, not really. It would have ruined our trip. i knew him better than that. After we became engaged, my ex left me to do all the work of planning the wedding. It took 2 weeks to settle on colors. His response was “It is your day…” “I have no preference…” That was not what i wanted to hear. To me, it was OUR day. He should have some say in the choices that needed to be made. We ended up arguing all the time and i was done with it about the time i got the ScrumMaster position.
i started talking to Brian about some of the things that were happening and He gave me advice and a man’s perspective. He told me i needed to talk to my ex and tell him how i felt. i did, sorta…well at least i tried. He did not listen or he gave me an answer that sent out this vibe that he did not care. “It is your day….” “I have no preference…” was all i kept hearing.
I broke it off with my ex right after Valentine’s day. i told him that was not ready to marry him. That i was confused and needed to figure some things out. That night he slept on the couch. His own choosing. And all that next day he did not say 2 words to me. i took the hint and slept on the couch every night since. After about 2-3 weeks of this we tried to talk again and i told him that we were not compatible. He said “Ok, do you want me to move out.” i was highly frustrated and angry that i meant so little to him, that he would just dismiss everything so quickly. i yelled and told him “Yes”. He moved out. One weekend i came home to an empty house. It was a shock. My ex told me he found a place a day before but i did not realize that he meant he found a place, signed the papers, and was ready to move in that day.
During this whole process, Brian was there to listen. To give advice. I realized that He was being the supportive active participant that i wanted out of the man that i wanted to spend my life with. i started to develop feelings for Him. Let me restate that. i had feelings for Him when He was my manager but i was with someone else and He was my boss…i dismissed them as nothing more than “He is cute and i have fun with Him.” While i was lifting Him out of the hole He was in and He was lifting me out of mine, those walls and barriers crumbled. i fell in love…hard…like *SPLAT* face plant. When i told Brian that i was falling for Him, He admitted that He had fallen for me too.
This is the walk we used to do about 2 times a week. It was 2.5 Miles around.
Once my ex moved out i took some time to figure things out in my head. i had a choice to make. My ex wanted to work things out. He moved out to give me space and to think about things. That was not the impression that i had. The action wounded my heart. After many talks with both of them over the next week or so, i asked them questions as if they were in an interview. i know this sounds harsh but i am over 30 years old and have been married 2 times already. i know exactly what i want and do not want. i wanted the person i chose to be compatible with me.
i made a choice. The choice was Brian. He was there for me when things got crazy. He did not try to “fix” the problem. Our views were the same when it came to important things like family, people, what we wanted out of life. He was tolerant and accepting. He was able to make decisions and be assertive. He had preferences! My ex never knew what he wanted for dinner. Most of all, in our friendship Brian always made me feel cherished. Like i was the most important thing in the world. i treat the person i am with as if they are a god…they are to me. They are the only thing that matters. Brian made me feel like He would love me the way i love Him.
i made the right choice.